


Sargent Peanut Butter's Loose in the Precinct

by mariadperiad20



Series: Foray into B99 [17]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Accidental Outing, Amy Santiago Loves Jake Peralta, Bisexual Jake Peralta, Coming Out, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, Jake Peralta Loves Amy Santiago, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:13:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22636543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariadperiad20/pseuds/mariadperiad20
Summary: The 6-4 has sent over their liaison for a case working with the 9-9, a Detective John Bittenbinder. Amy Santiago is lead, and the other cop on the case, Jake, decided that now was the perfect time to get the flu. Shenanigans ensue.Request fic!
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, John Bittenbinder/Jake Peralta
Series: Foray into B99 [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1320137
Comments: 26
Kudos: 362





	Sargent Peanut Butter's Loose in the Precinct

Jake woke up at precisely 3:48am with the sudden, intense need to vomit.

At 4:07am, with Amy awkwardly rubbing his shoulder and handing him a cup of lemon tea, Jake realized that maybe he was a bit under the weather.

At 4:08am, when his grip was too weak to hold the cup in his hands, and now there were shards of ceramic and tea all over the tile floor of the bathroom, Jake decided that it was for the best if he just went back to bed.

And at 7:00am, when Amy got up to go to the precinct, she decided not to wake him up, and instead simply let him rest, and sends a text to Holt informing him that Jake is out sick. He wouldn’t so much as question the information, if it came from her.

So, when Amy shows up to work, at her normal 20-minutes-early-is-on-time attitude, she sits down at her desk, across from Jake’s empty one, and starts unpacking her bag.

“Excuse me?”

Amy looked up. A tall, slightly gangly man dressed in a sharp suit approached her.

“I’m uh, looking for a place to sit? If you’re busy that’s okay, though.”

“Do you have a crime to report?” Amy asked, sitting back.

“Oh, ha, no.” The man chuckled self-deprecatingly, “I can see how you would think that, no.” He stuck out a hand, “I’m Detective Bittenbinder, I’ve been assigned to be a liaison from the 6-4 for the Jackal robberies.”

“Amy Santiago. I thought we were taking point on that, I was lead detective.” Amy frowned, shaking his proffered hand. For looking so unassuming, he had a surprisingly firm handshake.

“The 9-9 is. Which is why I am here, liaising, as one does.”

“Oh, right, of course.” Amy smiled awkwardly, “Well, I’ll find you a desk.” She glanced around the room, before her eyes settled on Jake’s. It was still a bit messy, but it was the only one open. Plus, it was away from Hitchcock and Scully’s desks, so that would help avoid traumatizing the poor guy.

“You can sit there. The detective’s out sick.” Amy didn’t particularly feel like discussing Jake personally - it wasn’t something she wanted there to be gossip about. Well, any more gossip, frankly. Gina had started subtweeting quite a bit, whatever that meant, and now apparently they had a following.

“Splendid.” Bittenbinder sat down without protest, either disregarding or, more likely, pretending not to notice the crumbs and bits of food that speckled the desk. His eyes flitted over the name tag on the desk, _Det. Peralta_ , and his mouth twitched slightly.

“Sorry about that. He’s a bit of a slob.” She grimaced.

“Oh, I don’t mind.” Bittenbinder shrugged, opening his bag and pulling out some files. “My husband leaves his dishes all over the place. Guess I know how to pick 'em.” Then, handing the files across the desk to her, “These are all of our files on the robberies. The evidence is being transferred over later today.”

“Great!” Amy flipped through the files, scanning them intently. “We can get started updating the map and suspect list right away.”

Bittenbinder nodded, following Amy as she led him to their current corkboard of evidence.

“What, no red string?” He asked as he took in the, frankly absurd, amount of suspects, photos, and tape covering the entire board.

Amy cracked a smile. “Jake suggested it, but our captain strongly disagreed.”

Bittenbinder opened his mouth to say something, when Amy saw Holt enter the bullpen.

“Oh, actually, let me introduce you to Captain Holt. He’s great.”

"Captain Holt?" Bitenbinder's voice went a touch higher than before. "Sounds like a good idea."

“Captain!” Amy called, walking back across the bullpen. Holt paused in his walking, turning to face her. His expression didn’t change at the sight of Bittenbinder half a step behind her.

“Hello, Detective.”

“Captain.” He said, voice back to normal.

They shook hands. From the slight twitch of Holt’s eyebrow, Amy could tell he was impressed by the handshake. Ha! So it hadn’t been just her.

“You are from the sixty-fourth precinct, correct?”

“Yep, that’s me.” Bittenbinder smiled awkwardly.

Everything about the man seemed a bit awkward, actually. It was interesting. He clearly must be capable, since the 6-4 sent him to work with them on a high-profile case, and he was clearly good at handshakes, which said a lot, but yet everything he did - from walking, to standing, to speaking - seemed to be imbued with just a _touch_ of nervousness.

Maybe he was just shy.

Amy couldn’t exactly relate to it, but it was a concept she could understand in theory.

The pair were discussing the impending arrival of the evidence, which had been slowed down from its expected delivery yesterday afternoon due to an unfortunate incident involving Sargent Peanut Butter getting loose in the precinct.

Regardless, Holt seemed to be impressed by Bittenbinder, and soon enough the pair were back at the corkboard.

“Your Captain is hilarious.” Bittenbinder said, staring at the map of Brooklyn and the little pins that were scattered, seemingly haphazardly, around it.

“Really?” Amy asked, turning to him.

“Yes.” Bittenbinder glanced at Amy, before refocusing on the evidence, “He said that if an evidence locker is accessible to a horse, then perhaps they should be ADA compliant as well. It was quite the indictment, in fact. He's brilliant.”

“Uh huh.” Amy nodded, smiling tightly.

“Oh, sorry, are you trying to see the board? I can move.” Bittenbinder sidestepped to give her more space.

“I’m alright, thanks.”

Bittenbinder could tell that she felt awkward, and changed the subject. “So,” He said, dragging the ‘s’ and popping the ‘o’, “What do we have here?”

“A map?” Amy asked.

“A map of the streets, yes! And do you know what I see at all of these streets?” Bittenbinder looked excited, “The subway!”

“Not all of the robberies line up at subway stops, though.” Amy pointed out with a frown.

“Yep, _except_ , Bittenbinder grinned, “Those have old subway stops, too. Not on the maps anymore because they’re dis-con-tinued!”

“Abandoned subway lines?” Amy raised her eyebrows, “Oh, man, Jake picked the wrong day to be out with the flu. He loves that sort of thing.”

“Ha, tell me about it.” Bittenbinder replied, “He’s always had awful luck when it comes to getting sick.”

“You know Jake?” Amy asked, turning to him.

“Hm?” Bittenbinder looked up, “Oh, yeah, we went to high school together. I remember, he caught something right before some party. Insisted he was fine, and then, _bam!_ Got everyone in the place - myself included, of course - sick, and we all had to run the mile sick as all get out! Needless to say, it was _terrible_. The entire class had to redo it because the average was so atrocious that the school was going to lose funding.”

Amy laughed. “That does sound like Jake, all right.”

“Yo, Amy, who’s the newbie?” Rosa asked, walking into the room, coffee in hand, Boyle scooting in behind her. Her eyes scanned over Bittenbinder critically, and slowly sipped her coffee. Bittenbinder seemed unperturbed by it, giving her a friendly, but awkward, half-wave.

“Oh, this is Detective Bittenbinder. He’s with the 6-4, liaising for the Jackal robberies. And he might have just figured it out, too.”

“Dope.” Rosa replied.

“Amy,” Boyle cut in, “Have you seen Jake today? He hasn’t been this late in a while. I’m worried - do you think I should call him?”

“He’s fine, Charles,” Terry stuck his head in, “He’s out sick.”

“Oh.” Charles frowned, “I should go by his place later. Bring him some healing bone broth!”

“Sounds disgusting.” Rosa said.

“Yeah. Give him yogurt, obviously.” Terry said, waving his hand generically, "Yogurt has probiotics." He added, before vanishing off to go do Sargent-y things.

Amy fixed Boyle with a Look.

“Let’s focus on our work, alright? Jake’s not going to die on us, and we have a case to solve.”

“Fine.” Boyle said glumly, sitting down. Rosa glanced at him impassively, then looked back up at Amy.

“So,” She asked, staring daggers into Bittenbinder, “What’d you ‘think’ you found?”

Bittenbinder’s warmth didn’t fade at Rosa’s tone. His friendliness seemed just as natural as his awkward nervousness.

“Well, all the robberies are by either current or retired subway stops. None of the stops were actually dismantled, because New York doesn’t _fix_ problems, it hides them! Like a true city does. They’re blocked off, but anyone could easily get into them if they knew they were there. Or, you know, get hit by a train.”

“How do you know so much about these?” Rosa asked, eyebrows narrowing.

“Oh, that’s a long story.” Bittenbinder shrugged, “Basically, and this is the super short version of this, by the way, I got lost looking for a hospital. I tried to ask the pigeons for directions, but they all kept wandering in different directions, so it was hopeless. I ended up walking into one of those stops thinking it was a bodega, and, next thing you know, I’m asking the rats for directions! They were no more helpful than the pigeons, but they weren’t _less_ helpful either, so it worked out alright.”

“Uh huh.” Rosa nodded. “Sounds fun. Put me on the team when you roll out.” She chugged the rest of her coffee, shoved the empty cup into Bittenbinder’s hands, and left. “Bye," She said over her shoulder, already halfway out the door. Boyle followed after her, adding that he was going to start looking for an older map of the subway system.

Bittenbinder put the cup into the recycling. Amy swore she heard him whisper a cheerful “Environment!” to himself as he did so.

Hm. Maybe her new partner was an actual child.

Either way, he knew to separate the lid from the cup as he put it into the bin, so… Amy decided that she liked him.

“So, Bittenbinder,” Amy began.

“Oh, you can call me John.” Came his voice, him now somehow behind the corkboard - hadn’t that been against the wall, before?

“Okay, John,” Amy agreed. He was sweetly unassuming, and his face popped out from behind the board as she addressed him.

“Yo, Johnny!” Gina slid onto the desk behind them, both turning to look at her.

“Gina.” John’s face lit up. “Haven’t seen you since brunch.”

“Oh, I know.” Gina rolled her eyes, tapping away on her phone rapid-fire. His phone dinged, and he pulled his arm out from behind the board as well, reading the phone.

“Did you just give me an extra vacation day?” He asked slowly.

“No, I gave _us_ an extra vacation day! Brunch part two!...dozen or so.” Gina acquiesced.

“You two know each other?” Amy asked, looking back and forth between them. Her brain felt like it was moving through cement.

“Yeah, from high school. Same as Jake.”

“Well, not the _same_. Unfortunately.” Gina winked.

Amy tilted her head. “So, how _do_ you know Jake? From high school, you said, but… what was he like? Besides the nose piercing.”

“Oh, yeah.” John smiled, squeezing out from behind the corkboard, straightening his suit and flashing her a grin. “We were lab partners in a science class freshman year - oh man, the teacher hated us, we were always messing around and she was convinced I was dyslexic but really I was just disinterested, remember that, Gina? She loved you, though. Originally Gina had been Jake's lab partner, but the teacher thought Jake was too stupid and put him in the back with me, and we hit it off - next thing you know I’m taking him to meet the parents.” John chuckled, “Oh, man, that was an adventure. They were so relieved that I finally got an actual boyfriend, as oppose to my old pastime of just staring at posters of Harrison Ford's Indiana Jones and drooling.”

“Oh.” Amy’s voice was a pitch higher than normal. “You and Jake dated?”

John’s smile flickered briefly, turning strained. “...Yes.”

Gina’s eyes were flashing between the two of them, and her smile looked a bit off, as well.

“Well, excellent talk, John. Now, quick, everyone look at me!” She said loudly, standing up.

“It’s just, he never told me that.” Amy said quickly, “I mean, I thought-”

“Oh thank God!” Boyle burst into the room, having clearly been eavesdropping. “I was worried you were one of Jake’s old friends, and he’d see you and remember how great you were and then you two would be out eating meat brownies at Chocolate Meat and I’d be alone with Amy!”

“Hey!”

“But you two dated? Oh, man, what a relief.” Boyle sat down next to Gina, who moved over half a step away from him.

John looked confused. “Oh, I thought you and Jake were…”

“Best friends? Exactly!” Boyle said, grinning.

“Jake and I have been dating for a couple years now.” Amy cut in, deciding to save face since Bittenbinder looked even more uncomfortable than before. “He’s met one of my past boyfriends, I figure it’s fair I meet one of his.

Bittenbinder’s smile still looked strained, but decidedly less so than before.

“Right. As you do.” He said.

“As one does.” Amy replied, trying to give him a reassuring smile.

The sound of the elevator door opening, followed by rapid footsteps, made them turn to the bullpen. “I swear, if that horse is still loose in the precinct-” Amy muttered darkly. They needed that evidence.

Instead of some random beat cop, it was Jake who burst into the room, looking absolutely haggard. He was wearing a shirt and a tie, which was tied like a shoelace, pajama pants, and one shoe. He was holding his bag, which was almost certainly empty, and his police badge was backwards.

“Here for work!” Jake grinned, almost manically, “Gina texted me. Said it was urgent.”

He looked at each of their faces, clearly taking in something was up. Then, his gaze flitted to Bittenbinder, then away from him, before his entire head turned, staring. He blinked.

“John?” He asked slowly, bag sliding off his shoulder to awkwardly catch at his elbow.

“That is me, yes.” John nodded, awkwardly glancing between everyone.

“H…ave you met Amy? She’s my girlfriend.” Jake gestured to Amy.

“Jake, he’s a liaison from the 6-4. And you should be at home, resting!”

“Oh. Yeah.” Jake looked down at his feet. “Did I walk here?”

“I’ll drive you home.” Charles offered, standing up, “And you can tell me about you and John!”

Jake’s face paled, if possible, even further. “What?”

“I didn’t know you had a boyfriend, Jake. It would’ve made your dating opportunities so much more open! I know so many great guys - although not anymore, because you and Amy are total goals - but…”

Amy looked at Jake. His face was completely blank, and he was clearly not retaining any of Boyle’s chatter. Instead, he was staring off into the distance somewhere.

Jake was never still. He was always moving, always doing something.

But now… he was completely motionless.

“Jake?” Amy asked, stepping forwards. Jake’s eyes fixed on her face, but he was still stiff as a board. “It’s okay, we-”

Jake slowly backed up towards the wall behind him, eyes blown wide.

“Babe,” Amy tried, but Jake didn’t move, back now pressing against the wall.

Jake sucked in a breath, fingers tapping rapidly against the wall behind him.

“Babe, it’s okay.” Amy stepped towards him, keeping her hands open and visible, ignoring everyone and everything around her. Her sole priority was Jake. “Everything’s fine.”

She heard Jake make a noise in his throat, almost like a whine, but he didn’t flinch from her as she reached out, one hand brushing along his face.

“You’re safe, Jake.” She said softly, “Everything’s fine.”

Jake’s eyes were fixed on her, eyes so wide it looked almost painful.

“Sorry.” He choked out, tears that he so despised suddenly running uncontrollably down his face.

He brought his arms up to bring her into a hug, entire body trembling.

“Please don’t leave me.” He said softly, brokenly.

“Oh, Jake,” Amy felt her heart ache at the words, arms tightening around him. “Of course not. I love you, nothing could change that.”

Jake buried his face into her shoulder, body still shaking but less so. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” He muttered, over and over.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Amy said firmly, pulling back to look him in the eyes. “I’m not entitled to anything about you. Okay?”

Jake made a noncommittal noise.

“Okay?” She asked again.

“Okay.” Jake repeated, before letting go of her, wiping at his eyes, embarrassed. He glanced away from Amy, and realized that, at some point, Gina had, presumably forcibly, removed Charles from the room. And John was trying his best to fade into the background, heavy guilt splashed across his face.

“Sorry, Ames.” He said after a moment, “I should have told you.”

“Why? It’s your decision.” Amy shrugged.

“I was afraid.” Jake admitted.

“Jake, our Captain has a husband, Rosa has a girlfriend… did you think any of us would care?”

“Well… no.” Jake admitted, “But…what if you did?”

Amy softened. “Well, we do care. About _you_. Always.”

“Gross, don’t be romantic.” Jake grinned weakly, “I feel like crap.”

“Let me talk to the Captain, I’m going to drive you home.” Amy said, “I’ll get you some matzo ball soup.”

“Cool, cool cool.” Jake went in for a kiss, and she stopped him with a hand.

“I love you, babe, but you’re covered in germs. I am _not_ getting the flu or whatever disease you have.”

“Not even for true love?” Jake asked, batting his eyes.

“Not even for the KL-71 spring tab line.”

Jake stepped back in mock horror, clutching his chest.

Amy chuckled, nudging him gently before leaving the room to beeline for Holt’s office.

“I’m so sorry, Jake.” John’s voice piped up, quietly but determinedly, from off to the side.

Jake turned to face him. John was wringing his hands, and he looked even guiltier than he had when he accidentally punted a gopher in Junior year.

“I… I didn’t know you were still closeted. I mean, it’s been 20-something years. I assumed…” John made a face, “I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t my place.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Jake shook his head. “For the best, if you think about it. I mean, I’m happy with Amy, I want her to… you know, be my person. Forever.” Jake felt weird admitting that to John, who he had once thought could be his forever person, too. “Guess it doesn’t really matter at this point.”

John looked like he was going to protest, so Jake kept talking.

“I know, I know, you’re going to say that identity is important and being queer doesn’t change or whatever, but I just… I’m not there yet, okay? I didn’t have all of this… support and family for a long time. I didn’t want to do anything that could risk it, anything that could get it taken away. Rational or not, I can’t… I can’t risk that.”

“I understand.” John patted Jake’s shoulder awkwardly, much the same as Amy had done earlier that day. “But… you can’t just do everything without ever taking risks.”

“Oh, please.” Jake felt a smile twitch onto his face, “Says the guy who apologizes when Eddie Fung-”

“Spilled soup in my lap!” John finished.

They both laughed.

“Who’re you with now?" Jake asked suddenly, "Finally convinced Leonardo Dicaprio to marry you?”

“Ha, no.” John shrugged, “I’ve got a husband. He’s great, I love him. We have a dog now.”

“Noice. Amy’s deathly allergic, so dogs are off the table.”

“Well, who lets their dog on the table to begin with? Sounds unhygienic.”

Jake chuckled. It was weird, talking to John. On the one hand, it was like no time had passed at all, them falling into their usual banter. On the other, it was like a chasm had spread between them, lives so vastly different that there was no possible way to connect across it.

But Detective Bittenbinder was still at the heart just _John_ , and, after a moment, said, “Seriously, Jake, I am sorry.”

“It’s okay. Seriously.”

“Did you ever… tell anyone?”

Jake shrugged. “My parents. You remember that, I’m sure.”

“Hm.” John made a face. “I do.”

“My mom’s cool with it now, though. But, besides her, and then Gina, and then, you know, guys I’ve dated, I’ve kept it to myself.”

John nodded understandingly. “I get it.” Then, his voice dropped down. “I will say, you current Captain - wow, he’s amazing!" John's voice pitched the way it did whenever he was excited. "I’ve looked up to him since _forever_ , and I almost joined the NYAAGLAPA, except I’m an Asian-American woman obviously, just so I could meet him.”

“Well, I mean… you did meet him. Earlier. I’m guessing.”

“I did. I played it cool, as I do, but internally I was just absolutely screaming - like, ‘oh my god my parents got murdered and it’s time for me to turn into batman' type of screaming - internally, of course.”

“You fanboy'd over Holt.”

“Yes.” John said, unembarrassed.

"You and Amy would get along great."

"Hm?" Amy walked in, "Okay, I’m taking you home.” Amy said, pulling on her jacket. “Come on, and, oh, babe, be careful where you step. You’re barefoot and Scully dropped an entire gallon jug of mayonnaise on the floor.”

Jake straightened up. “A quest. I may not survive.”

Amy rolled her eyes. “Let’s go.” She turned to Bittenbinder, polite as ever, although her tone had gone a little off at the fact that he had just _outed_ her boyfriend to half the squad, and clearly upset him. Although, now they seemed to be getting along, so she really just aimed for a neutral tone. “John, it was a pleasure. We can regroup on the case once we get that evidence.”

John nodded quickly, sticking his hands into his pockets. “Absolutely.”

“Why isn’t there any evidence from the 6-4?” Jake asked, sidestepping a splatter of mayonnaise.

“Sargent Peanut Butter got loose.”

“Ah.” Jake looked at the mass of goop between him and the elevator, and grabbed his chair, got into it, and shoved off from his desk, sliding across the mayonnaise mess.

“Street smarts!” He shouted.

John peeked his head out from around the doorway.

Jake flashed him a thumbs-up, right before his chair crashed into the gate and spilled him out onto the, thankfully clean - clean being a relative term for a precinct - floor on the other side of it.

Amy rolled her eyes, sidestepping all of the mess with ease, and then stepping over Jake to hit the elevator door button.

“You’re amazing.” Jake breathed, clambering to his feet.

“I know.” Amy replied, tucking her hair behind both ears.

Sargent Peanut Butter. What a bastard. Well, actually, Amy amended, he was a purebred stallion.

But still. Her eyes narrowed slightly. All horses were bastards.

Especially when they delayed cases.

She would ask Jake about Bittenbinder later, about all of this. He would tell her what he wanted to from it, even if that was nothing at all. Amy just hoped she would be able to convey to him how much she loved him.

How she would always love him. How Jake Peralta was Amy Santiago's forever person.

**Author's Note:**

>  _Total Request:_ do have a little request (I'm not on Tumblr so that's why I'm being annoying and asking on here, I'm sorry)  
> It's about Jake sort of being forced to come out (as bi) to everybody  
> basically the team (except for Jake bc maybe he took a sick day or something?) meets this new detective (who I'm imagining as John Mulaney lol), and they take a quick liking to him. But during one of their conversations, he accidentally mentions that he and Jake actually knew each other in high school and they used to date, and Jake panics. but if you don't wanna write it it's okay
> 
> Thank you for your request! I would like to specify that this is a **fictional character inspired by** John Mulaney, not him as a person. I do _not_ write fics with real-life people in them. Ever.
> 
> That being said, I did try to match the way of speaking that Mulaney has demonstrated in youtube interviews (and have you guys seen Andy Samberg's impersonations of him?? literal gold), so hopefully that came out well (i didn't realize he said "as you do"/"as one does" so much but damn it's in like every interview I've seen of him)
> 
> also fun fact I've written over 10k words this weekend! I have so many responsibilities for Monday I still need to do, send hlep-


End file.
